Cancer

I had cervical cancer, in 2003. I had a surgery that removed the cancerous cells, so I didn't have to go through chemo. I am supposed to be tested every 6 months to see if it's returned. I haven't been tested since 2005. It is another saving grace in my mind that if it does return, I can just go peacefully. I sometimes want to be tested just to see if it's there, it would be relieving to know that all I have to do is refuse treatment. I sometimes believe in God, and I don't really want to go to Hell, if there is one, for killing myself, so I won't. But that doesn't mean if I get a terminal illness I have to do the treatment either.